不是刻意要研究她，但她一次又一次為我示範了何謂堅毅。那些他無法完成的事，她總能勝任。

不是刻意要讚美她，但她不斷展現了何謂韌性。那些他輕易放棄的事，她卻能咬牙堅持。

許多面向讓我逐漸明白，為何「她是她」，而「她不是他」。

這一切都與生育有關，她的腹腔裡承擔著他無法承受的責任，由卵巢與子宮共同運行的生殖系統。

她每個月必須忍受經血的騷擾，不時還得面對身體因囤積而釋放的疼痛，這些看似瑣碎卻周而復始的循環，淬鍊了她的耐受力。

他無法想像懷胎十月的艱辛，而她卻能咬牙挺過，只因體內有比自身更重要的生命需要守護。

 

對於那些不需親手打理的事，他鮮少能體會她的辛勞。哪怕只是家務的瑣碎，或是為孩子衣食細微的張羅，她始終默默承擔。

我一度也是那個無法同理的「他」，關懷流於表面，責任高調張揚，卻不知在這些淬鍊中，她正不斷成長，而他只是原地打轉。

在他與她的人生道路上，堅毅與韌性決定了分叉的方向。即使同在一個屋簷下，性格漸行漸遠。

我不是刻意要探究性別差異，但一百對夫妻裡有九十對示範著巨大的落差。當她已經勇敢迎上挑戰，他仍舊裹足不前。

為了保護他的自尊，她常選擇退居幕後；為了守護他的執念，她常隱藏真實的自己。表面上是犧牲，實則是彼此的傷害。

偏偏他總忽略了她隱忍的細節，現代社會的忙碌，讓人際相處中最珍貴的身教與體察，徹底被拋棄。

 

她與父親的關係不佳，其比例之高，並非東方世界的專利。我熟悉那些不諒解父親、卻依然孝順的她。

在我們這一代的成長路上，歷史寫下了一種角色，她往往是長女。長女肩負過重的責任，與父親的關係也更為沉重。

她在弟妹心中往往成了母親的替身，犧牲自己的人生，奉獻於他人的成長。幾乎所有我認識的長女，都是堅韌不拔的化身。

事實上，許多女性的病痛，正源於這種犧牲與承擔。她們在丈夫與孩子之間的角色，與長女無異，操持一切，卻消磨自己。

有人為他人的人生奉獻一生，即便是父母，即便是默認「嫁雞隨雞」的她。最令人心疼的，是這樣的故事太過普遍。

人性的遊戲規則本不分性別，卻被社會硬生生劃出不對等。社會面向上，女性吃虧；人格成長上，結果陰盛陽衰。

 

疾病與性別是否相關，暫且不論。但在我觀察中，她的病源往往來自隱忍，他的病源則來自逃避與逞強。

委曲求全的劇本，一再上演。她看著上一代如此演出，對自己的選擇便多了幾分清醒。

她知道，委屈不能成全幸福。因此，許多她選擇簽字分手；許多她選擇學會獨處。

單身的她愈來愈多，因為她早已懂得：不必再承受不對等的遊戲規則，不必永遠扮演犧牲與奉獻的角色。

從觀察病痛到觀察人性，我深知：病痛往往來自人際關係的失衡，而幸福，也源於人際關係的美好。

我不斷記錄她的故事，佩服與感動也隨之增長。光是謙卑學習的能力，她早已把他遠遠拋在身後。

這不是零星個案，而是人間大數據。

 

She

It is not my intention to study her, yet time and again she shows me what perseverance means. What he cannot accomplish, she is able to.
It is not my intention to praise her, yet she constantly reveals what resilience truly is. What he so easily abandons, she endures with clenched teeth.
Through many facets, I have come to understand why she is she—and why she is not he.

All of this has to do with reproduction. Within her abdomen lies a responsibility he cannot bear—the reproductive system governed by ovaries and uterus.
Each month she must endure the nuisance of menstrual blood, and at times the pain released from the body’s accumulations. These seemingly trivial but recurring cycles have forged her endurance.
He cannot fathom the hardship of ten months of pregnancy, but she withstands it, because within her is a life more important than her own that must be protected.

For matters that do not require his direct effort, he seldom perceives her toil. Whether in the petty details of household chores or in the meticulous care of a child’s food and clothing, she quietly shoulders the weight.
I too was once that “he” who could not empathize—my care superficial, my sense of responsibility loudly proclaimed—unaware that in the midst of her trials, she was growing while he merely went in circles.
On the path of life, perseverance and resilience charted their divergent ways. Even under the same roof, their characters drifted further apart.

I do not set out to examine gender differences, yet in ninety out of a hundred couples, the disparity is striking. While she steps forward with courage, he still hesitates in place.
To protect his pride, she often retreats into the background; to preserve his obstinacy, she conceals her true self. What appears to be sacrifice is, in truth, mutual harm.
And he so often overlooks the subtle details of her endurance. The busyness of modern life has discarded the most precious forms of guidance and attentive presence in human relationships.

Her strained relationship with her father is hardly unique, nor confined to the East. I know many “she” who cannot forgive their fathers, yet remain filial nonetheless.
In our generation’s upbringing, history has inscribed a role—most often, the eldest daughter. Burdened with responsibility, her ties to her father are correspondingly heavier.
In the eyes of her siblings, she often becomes a substitute mother, sacrificing her own life to nurture the growth of others. Nearly every eldest daughter I have known embodies unyielding resilience.

In truth, much of women’s illness stems from this very sacrifice and burden. Between husband and children, her role mirrors that of the eldest daughter—managing everything, yet eroding herself.
No one should devote an entire life to another’s existence—not even parents. And yet, she, taught to “follow her husband,” resigns herself to such fate. The most heartbreaking truth is that these stories are all too common.
The rules of human existence were never meant to be divided by gender, yet society has carved out a blatant inequality. Socially, women suffer the loss; yet in personal growth, it is the feminine that surpasses the masculine.

Whether illness is related to gender I will not dwell on. But from my observation, her ailments often arise from endurance, while his stem from evasion and false bravado.
The script of self-effacement is performed again and again. Watching the previous generation live it out, she has become more alert to her own choices.
She knows well that grievance does not create happiness. Thus, many choose to sign the divorce papers; many choose to live alone.
There are more and more women who remain single, for they already know: they need not endure an unequal game, nor forever play the role of sacrifice and devotion.

From observing illness to observing humanity, I have come to know this: disease often arises from the imbalance of relationships, while happiness springs from their harmony.
I continue to record her stories, and with each one my admiration and awe grow. In humility and in the capacity to learn, she has long since left him far behind.
This is not an isolated case. It is the data of humanity at large.